tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-74400395622331691142024-02-20T20:03:45.063+01:00UnfasslichEikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02918463638960504966noreply@blogger.comBlogger269125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7440039562233169114.post-18104133703582453062018-02-13T16:57:00.001+01:002018-02-13T16:57:49.595+01:00Der ganz normale Wahnsinn<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Wer täglich mit den Wiener Linien unterwegs ist, erspart
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aus einer ganz normalen Fahrt am Beispiel der U4.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Station Schwedenplatz</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ein Jugendlicher wirft einem anderen durch den Waggon eine Glasflasche zu.
Glasflasche wurde unversehrt gefangen. Fremder Mann klatscht.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Station Landstraße</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Fahrer: „Es gab bereits zweimal die Durchsage den Lichtschranken freizuhalten. I
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ausweichen, sonst wird’s nix mehr.“</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Frau in Eiki’s Waggon glaubt, dass ein neben ihr stehender Mann gemeint ist: „GEHEN
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mann: „Des bin ned i. I steh ned im Lichtschranken.“</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Station Karlsplatz</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ein laut summender Mann steigt ein und summt Menschen in die Ohren. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Oma: „Geh, hau di über die Häuser du Varruckter!“<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Station
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jemand schreit arabischklingend in die U-Bahn hinein und rennt dann weg.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Station
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sie: „Ich krieg fix die Wohnung!“</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sie: „Siehst, genau wegen dem wie du redest geh ich.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Er: „Geh zu ihn du Hure.“ </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sie: „Es heißt „ihm“ du Depp.“</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Frau: „Na nach dem Ergebnis am Wochenende würd i mi ned als Fan outen.“</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Betrunkener (lallt): „Ich bin kein Fan… ich sing nur gern.“</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Okay.</span></div>
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Eikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02918463638960504966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7440039562233169114.post-79510095363825898282018-02-01T10:59:00.002+01:002018-02-01T10:59:29.832+01:00U-Bahn Telefoniererei<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Kurze Personen-Statistik zu meiner heutigen U6 Fahrt um
6h06:</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">30% lesen „Qualitätszeitungen“ und wollen Ruhe</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">12% lesen Qualitätszeitungen oder Literatur und wollen Ruhe</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">30% Handystarren in Ruhe</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">27% Leere Blicke mit der Hoffnung, angesichts der frühen Uhrzeit irgendwie trotzdem
zu überleben, in Ruhe.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1% schwerst gesprächig und mitteilungsbedürftig via Telefon</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Die Geschichte dazu:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Das Handy einer Dame (ca. 45) läutet recht nervtötend und
mit einem der voreingestellten Standard-Klingeltöne, sodass 4 andere Personen
erschrocken nach ihrem Handy kramen.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dame (hebt nach gefühlten 4min ab): „Hallo. Servus. Grüß
dich. Guten Morgen.“ (?)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">„Na wie sois ma gehn?“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">„Schlecht geht’s ma.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">„I bin hundsmiad.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
„I wü afoch nur mei Ruah.“ (Willkommen im Club)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">„Dauernd hot durt wer den Schlapfen offen.“ </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">„Geh… Vagiss de!“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">„Brauchst da nix erworten.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">„I bin jo außer ogfressen nur ogfressen.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Wo ist das Funkloch, wenn man es braucht?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">© Eiki</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Eikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02918463638960504966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7440039562233169114.post-90312026214931363722018-01-23T07:48:00.000+01:002018-01-23T07:48:06.198+01:00Öffi-Unterhaltungen 18<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Unfasslich, aber wahr: es gibt in der U6 einen freundlichen
Menschen. Also, eh mehrere vermutlich. Aber einen, der besonders heraussticht.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">6h24</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Freundlicher Mann „FM“ (ca. 45, Detective-Trenchcoat, Sportschuhe) steht in der
U6 beim Eingang und begrüßt einsteigende Menschen.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">FM:</b> „Einen wunderschönen guten
Morgen!“</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Einsteigende Menschen schauen in fassungslos an.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">6h27</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">FM startet auch 2 Stationen weiter einen Versuch.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">FM:</b> „Einen wunderschönen guten
Morgen, liebe Leute!“</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Älterer Herr:</b> „No, Se san owa sehr
freindlich in oller Herrgottsfrüh.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">FM:</b> „Man tut was man kann.“</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">6h35</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Eine Dame steigt aus.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">FM:</b> „Ich wünsche Ihnen einen tollen
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dame (offensichtlich gebürtige Österreicherin) dreht sich mit vernichtendem Blick um und
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">FM:</b> „Alles Liebe!“</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">6h40</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Große Station mit vielen heraus- und hereinströmenden Menschen.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">FM:</b> „Super, wie viele hier schon in
der Früh Verpflichtungen haben! Ich hoffe, Sie kommen alle gut in die Arbeit!“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Neuzugestiegene schauen verwirrt.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">6h42</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">FM</b> (zu einem jungen Mann): „Ich
wünsche einen tollen Arbeitstag! Auf geht’s!“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Älterer Herr von vorhin:</b> „Wieso san
Se bitte so freindlich? Is Ihnan ned guad?“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Wien. In zwei Sätzen.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">© Eiki</span></div>
Eikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02918463638960504966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7440039562233169114.post-67607109914573049362017-12-14T13:16:00.000+01:002017-12-14T13:16:01.272+01:00Der Dativ ist dein Freund<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">…der Akkusativ übrigens auch.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mein neuer Wohnsitz in Wien Meidling ist fast so ein guter
Versorger an Unfasslichkeiten wie die U6.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Heute, 6h30. Eiki geht zur U6 – vor ihr eine eloquente telefonierende
Frau von ca. 30 Jahren.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">„Warum machst du so einem Scheiß?“ (sic!)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">„Hör auf mit den Dreck!“ (sic!)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">„Du sollst ihm aufpassen!“ (sic!)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">„Gib ihm mir!“ (sic!)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">„ICH HAB GESAGT DU SOLLST IHM MIR GEBEN!“ (sic!)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">„Halt ihm das Telefon hin, du Trottel!“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">„Puppi, was is mit dir? Hör auf zu bellen, Oida, ich schwör dir, sonst kriegst
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">„Krieg ihm mal unter Kontrolle, du Scheißgeburt!“ (sic!)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">„Wenn ich mit dir red, hast du Pause.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">„Ihr geht’s mir alle wohin. Ich muss arbeiten gehen und du bist gusch!“</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">„Was is mit euch?“</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">„Ich werd dich was erzählen!“ (sic!)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">„AUS SCHLUSS PAUSE! Du musst selbst wissen, wast tust. Ich misch mich nimma ein
bei dir. Durch dir hat mein Tag scho komisch begonnen!“ (sic!)</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Kann ich nur bestätigen.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">© Eiki</span></div>
Eikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02918463638960504966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7440039562233169114.post-29270384858752669382017-12-11T10:47:00.002+01:002017-12-11T10:47:46.400+01:00Diphterie<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Zwei Männer sprechen in einem Lokal in 1120 über ihre Augen.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Mann 1:</b> „I hob Adleraugen. I siech olles, a wenn i in der
letzten Reih im Theater sitz!“</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Mann 2:</b> „I hätt des a gern…“</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Mann 1:</b> „Host du leicht Kontaktlinsnan?“ </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Mann 2:</b> „Jo, i hob Kontaktlinsnan… Ohne die siech i fost gornix!“</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Mann 2:</b> „Na des stert mi wonn i des do imma auf da Nosn hob!“</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Mann 1:</b> „Kontaktlinsnan san aba schee teier, wonn i mi recht erinner…“</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Mann 2:</b> „Jo eh… oba wos soi i mochn? Ohne siech i jo nix!“</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Mann 1:</b> „Wie vü Diphterien host du leicht?“</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Mann 2:</b> „Fünfe auf am Aug und sechse am ondern.“</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Mann 1:</b> „Sechs Diphterien? Des is scho vü.“</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Und, wie viel Diphterien habt’s ihr so?</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">© Eiki</span></div>
Eikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02918463638960504966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7440039562233169114.post-35821607712364155742017-11-21T09:56:00.000+01:002017-11-21T09:59:11.512+01:00HOW TO - Ausgabe 4: Autofahren<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Jede autofahrende Person war – hoffentlich – einmal in einer
Fahrschule. Dass dort vermitteltes Wissen für die Praxis nicht reicht, ist
klar. Deshalb hier 10 Regeln zur Optimierung Ihres Fahrstils.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>10 Regeln zum besseren Autofahren</u></b></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 1:</b> Ganz
allgemein gilt: Sie sind im Recht. Lassen Sie das andere spüren. Zeigen Sie
kein Verständnis für andere. Sie sind ja nicht hier zum Freunde-finden!<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 2:</b> Gehen
Sie davon aus, dass jeder Mensch in derselben Geschwindigkeit wie Sie fahren
möchte. Sollte jemand zu langsam sein, nutzen Sie die Lichthupe und fahren Sie
möglichst knapp auf, um entsprechend Druck aufzubauen.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 3:</b> Erweitern
Sie Ihr Repertoire an Schimpfwörtern und vulgären Gesten, setzen Sie sie
mehrmals täglich ein und sorgen Sie so für ein wertschätzendes Miteinander auf
Österreichs Straßen.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 4:</b> Versuchen
Sie im Stau durch ständiges Spurwechseln eine Position zwei Autos weiter vorne
zu erreichen. Bedenken Sie bitte, wie viele Sekunden Sie dadurch sparen!<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 5:</b> Bitte
lassen Sie niemanden einordnen! Diese unnötigen Querulanten, die in eine Straße
einbiegen wollen, sind ja kaum auszuhalten und verschwenden ebenfalls wertvolle
Sekunden Ihres Lebens.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 6:</b> Wenn Sie
mitbekommen, dass sich ein Fußgänger oder eine Fußgängerin dem Zebrastreifen
nähert, steigen Sie bitte sofort aufs Gas und rasen Sie geistesgestört weiter.
So kann allenfalls ein sicheres Überqueren und damit wieder wertvolle Sekunden
Zeitverlust verhindert werden.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 7:</b> Parken
Sie, wo SIE wollen. Öffentliche Verkehrsmittel und andere Verkehrsteilnehmer
haben sich nach Ihnen zu richten. Nützen Sie insbesondere als Taxifahrer/in
auch die Möglichkeit, des Haltens in zweiter Spur auf Hauptverkehrsstraßen.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 8:</b> Apropos
Parken: wenn vor Ihnen jemand einparkt, zeigen Sie sich erbost. Fahren Sie nahe
auf, tun Sie Ihren Unmut mit Fernlicht und Hupen kund. Sparen Sie auch hier
wesentliche Sekunden. (Mittlerweile müsste es ja schon fast eine Minute sein!)<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 9: </b>Nutzen
Sie die Zeit im Auto, um anderen Dingen nachzugehen. Lesen Sie
Whatsapp-Nachrichten, telefonieren Sie, verfolgen Sie Filme oder surfen Sie auf
sozialen Medien. Denn so eine Autofahrerei kann wirklich langatmig sein.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 10:</b> Und sobald
es zu regnen beginnt, schalten Sie bitte innerlich auf „Autodrom-Modus“ und zeigen
Sie sich gänzlich unfähig, normal wie vor dem Regen weiterzufahren. Diese Regel
gilt für sämtlichen Niederschlag. Bei Schneefall präsentieren Sie sich überhaupt
von Ihrer besten Seite und versetzen Sie sich in einen 3-jährigen Menschen
hinein. Wie würde der reagieren?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Gute Reise!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">© Eiki</span></div>
Eikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02918463638960504966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7440039562233169114.post-34201184782766809302017-11-16T07:00:00.000+01:002017-11-16T07:00:00.867+01:00Öffi-Unterhaltungen 17<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Die U6 versorgt Eiki am laufenden Band mit skurrilen
Situationen. Heute Morgen: 3 Kinder (2x ca. 9 Jahre, 1x ca. 11 Jahre),
bewaffnet mit Riesenschultaschen, sprechen um 7h35 über ihre Spitalserfahrungen.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Kind 1</b> (wiegt so
viel wie Kind 2+3 gemeinsam): „Ich find SMZ Ost is am besten. Weil da gibt’s unten
einen Bäcker!“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Kind 2</b>: „Sowas is schon auch
leiwand, weil man kriegt immer ur wenig zum Essen find ich.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Kind 3</b>: „Also ich war Michelbauer…“
(sic!) „und dort gibt’s auch Supermarkt unten! Das is das größte Krankenhaus!“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Kind 2</b>: „Ich hab einmal nur Tee
bekommen! Das war bei meiner Mandel-OP.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Kind 3</b>: „Waaas? Bruder! Nur Tee? Nix
zum Essen?“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Kind 1</b>: „Das wär mein Albtraum!“</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Kurze Entrüstungspause.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Kind 1</b>: „Bei mir
war Lungen-OP, da hat die eine Ärztin immer zu mir nachher gsagt: ‚Wir mussten
deine Lunge komplett entfernen!‘“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Kind 3</b>: „Waaaaaaas?“</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Kind 1</b>: „Das war ja nur Spaß, Bruder!
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Kind 2</b>: „Narkose is das Ärgste,
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Kind 3</b> (erneut wortgewandt): „Waaaaaaas?“</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Kind 1</b>: „Na schau, du kriegst was
zum Einatmen und dann schlafst du ein. Aber du kriegst schon Sachen noch bissl
mit.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Kind 3</b>: „Ich war auch mal Mandel!“</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Kind 2</b>: „Und?“</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Kind 3</b>: „Ich hab keine Narkose
bekommen, Oida! Aba dafür eigene Zimmer. Wenn ich mal alt bin, herst, will ich
nur eigene Zimmer. Ich will nicht mit andan in Zimmer sein.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Kind 1</b>: „Da brauchst du aba Geld!“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Kind 3</b>: „Is mir egal. Ich hab jetzt
auch scho Geld. Hab vorher 10€ am Boden gfunden!“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">© Eiki</span></div>
Eikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02918463638960504966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7440039562233169114.post-59193439803883599992017-11-08T10:43:00.000+01:002017-11-08T10:47:22.032+01:00Öffi-Unterhaltungen 16<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Unfasslich, aber wahr: es gibt erneut ein Highlight aus der
U6.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Diesmal: HUNDEKAMPF LIVE!</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Serkan steigt mit Freundin, Terrier und 17 Einkaufssackeln,
dafür ohne Beißkorb (für den Hund) in die gut gefüllte U6 ein. Innen steht
bereits eine alte Dame mit Pudelmix, auch hier in Ermangelung eines Beißkorbes.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Pudelmix bellt wie verrückt, weil Revier (=U6, Oida!) durch
Terrier gefährdet.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b> Alte Dame</b>: „Geh hörst auf, Susi?!"</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Susi hört nicht auf.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Terrier beginnt folglich ebenfalls mit dem Bellen.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Freundin</b>: „Serkan, pass auf ihn auf!“</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Serkan</b>: „Was soll ich aufpassen,
herst? Andere Hund hat angefangen!“</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Susi und Terrier liefern sich ein ansprechendes Duell und
beginnen bereits die Zähne zu fletschen. Mehrere Fahrgäste strömen weg
vom Ort des Geschehens.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Alte Dame</b>: „Bringen
Sie Ihren Hund unter Kontrolle!“</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Serkan</b>: „Bringen Sie IHREN Hund
unter Kontrolle!“</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Susi und Terrier sind kampfbereit. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Susi eskaliert völlig und stürmt auf Terrier los. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Freundin quietscht. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Serkan reißt den Terrier in die Höh und hält ihn in die
Luft.<b> </b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Alte Frau</b>
(erkennt den Ernst der Lage): „Susi! Jetz is aba genug!“</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Serkan</b>: „Nehmen Sie Ihren Hund da
weg!“</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Alte Frau</b>: „Susi, komm wir gehen!“</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Susi bellt weiterhin und versucht Terrier im Springen zu
erreichen. Der Bremsvorgang bei der U6 Station Längenfeldgasse führt zu einer
kleinen Detonation ihrerseits an der Haltestange.<b> </b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Alte Frau</b>: „Ojeeee,
Susi du Arme!!! Komm her mein Mausi!“</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Serkan</b>: „Kriegen Sie mal Ihren Hund
in Griff, is nicht normal, he!“</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Serkan und Freundin steigen mit Terrier aus.<b> </b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Alte Frau</b>: „Scheiß
Terrier.“</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Top Selbstreflexion.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Aber abgesehen davon… Wenn jetzt noch einmal wer fragt,
warum man in der U-Bahn einen Beißkorb für den Hund braucht (auch wenn er eeeh
ganz brav ist): genau darum.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">© Eiki<span style="line-height: 115%;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">PS: Eiki hat ebenfalls einen Hund. Von
Hundekämpfen in der U6 wird sie dennoch in nächster Zeit weiterhin absehen. </span></span></span></div>
Eikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02918463638960504966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7440039562233169114.post-58950067598801182212017-11-06T09:55:00.003+01:002017-11-06T09:56:34.002+01:00Jessy.<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Eiki steht an einer Kreuzung, wartet auf eine grüne
Fußgängerampel und erfreut sich des Bullterriers Jessy inkl. Besitzer, die
hinter ihr ein intensives Gespräch führen.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">„Stop. Jessy! Stop! Sitzen! Nein, Jessy, nein, Jessy, SITZ!“</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Jessy sitzt nicht.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">„Jessy, sitzen. Komm Jessy jetzt sitz. Jessy sitzen.
SIIIITZ!“</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">„Jessy, benimm dich bitte!“</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Jessy riecht an Kacke.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">„Jessy, so geht’s nicht. DU SOLLST SITZEN! SITZ! SOFORT!“</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Jessy markiert ein Verkehrsschild.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">„JESSY! JETZT REICHT’S MIR!“</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Jessy beobachtet einen Raben.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">„JESSY! SITZ! SOFORT!“</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Besitzer: „Warum?“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Älterer Mann: „Will des do scheißt erna wos!“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">© Eiki</span></div>
Eikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02918463638960504966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7440039562233169114.post-50626396367756708932017-11-02T13:00:00.001+01:002017-11-02T13:00:56.122+01:00Öffi-Unterhaltungen 15<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Ein bestimmt nicht nur Eiki bekanntes Phänomen: die
Verwendung des Infinitivs anstelle des konjugierten Verbes, um besser
verstanden zu werden. Oder so.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">U1 Vorgartenstraße. Vis-à-vis von Eiki setzen sich zwei
Damen hin.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Wienerin</b> (im
unverkennbar bemühten Hochdeutsch): „Wohin du jetzt fahren?“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Freundin</b> (mit ost-europäischem
Akzent): „Ich fahre zum Reumannplatz.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Wienerin</b>: „Du dort wohnen?“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Freundin</b>: „Nein, nicht direkt beim
Reumannplatz, dann noch mit dem Bus zwei Stationen.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Wienerin</b>: „Du brauchen lange in
Arbeit?“ </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Freundin</b>: „45 Minuten. Es geht…“</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Wienerin</b> (steigt kompetent auf
völlig verb-lose Sätze um): „Na das schon lange… Ich nur 25 Minuten.“<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Freundin</b>: „Aber
es stört mich nicht. In der Früh lese ich Zeitung. Am Nachmittag bin ich
sowieso müde von Arbeit.“</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Wienerin</b>: „Ich auch immer müde. Aber
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Freundin</b>: „Immer um 16 Uhr.“</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Wienerin</b>: „Na das gehen.“</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Kleines Kind mit Mutter steht daneben.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Kleines Kind</b>
(deutet auf die Wienerin): „Mama, die redet komisch!“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">© Eiki</span></div>
Eikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02918463638960504966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7440039562233169114.post-84443298019516524672017-10-30T15:57:00.002+01:002017-10-30T15:57:18.488+01:00HOW TO - Ausgabe 3: Rolltreppen Benutzen<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Aus gegebenem Anlass, hier bereits Teil 3 der wichtigen
Gebrauchsanleitungen für den Alltag. Heutige Ausgabe: Wie benutze ich eine
Rolltreppe?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>10 Regeln zur optimalen Rolltreppen-Nutzung</u></b></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 1:</b> Rechts
stehen, links gehen. Das Grundprinzip scheint einfach. Doch, ganz ehrlich: was
soll der Unsinn? Wenn Sie links stehen wollen, dann haben andere Menschen Ihr
Bedürfnis zu akzeptieren! Sorgen Sie also für erfrischenden Umschwung auf der
Rolltreppe.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 2:</b> Lassen
Sie sich ruhig Zeit beim Betreten der Rolltreppe um im Pinguin-Watscheln
zögerlich die für Sie optimale Stufe zu erwischen. Ignorieren Sie sich bereits
bildende Menschentrauben hinter sich und platzieren Sie sich am besten zentral
im Eingang zur Rolltreppe. <b> </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>R</b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">egel 3:</b> Auch das
Verlassen der Rolltreppe verlangt Ausdauer. Fiebern Sie dem Ende der Rolltreppe
nervös entgegen und lassen Sie sich am besten so lang Zeit mit dem
Hinuntersteigen, dass Sie von den Menschen hinter Ihnen bequem weitergeschoben
werden.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 4:</b> Versuchen
Sie durch überhastetes Gehen auf der Rolltreppe zu stürzen und reißen Sie
andere Menschen mit. So haben wir alle etwas davon.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 5:</b> Nutzen Sie
die Rolltreppe auch für Kinderwägen, Fahrräder, sich fürchtende Hunde und Wohnungseinrichtung.
Am besten zur Stoßzeit.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 6:</b> Zeigen
Sie null Toleranz, wenn Sie auf der Rolltreppe gehen wollen und die Person vor
Ihnen zu langsam geht. Schnaufen Sie. Drängen Sie. Ja, tun Sie Ihr Missfallen
kund. Wer weiß, vielleicht sparen Sie ja durch Ihren Einsatz wertvolle Sekunden
Ihres Lebens?!<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 7:</b> Stellen
Sie sich auch in weniger frequentierten Zeiten knapp hinter die Vorderperson.
Sorgen Sie für Verfolgungswahn vierten Grades und genießen Sie die
Verunsicherung anderer Menschen. Fühlen Sie sich großartig.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 8:</b> Kommentieren
Sie eingehend insbesondere weibliche Personen, die an Ihnen auf der Rolltreppe
vorbeigehen. Besonders empfehlenswert sind Wortmeldungen wie „Geiler Orsch!“,
„Hey, Süße, komm zurück!“ oder „Sexymausi. Bussi Bussi.“. Zeigen Sie
Engagement! Mit Sicherheit wird sich auf diese Weise bald ein Weibchen finden,
dass sich Ihnen voll hingeben möchte. Das zeigen ja allein schon die
Erfolgsquoten von Baustellenhacklern.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 9: </b>Expertin
im Rolltreppenfahren wird eine Person dann, wenn Sie nicht alleine unterwegs
ist. Nutzen Sie die Gelegenheit und unterhalten Sie sich eingehend zu zweit auf
ein und derselben Stufe der Rolltreppe, um gewissenhaft die ganze Partie
aufzuhalten.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 10:</b> Sollte
die Rolltreppe einmal nicht funktionieren, zeigen Sie sich völlig unfähig, eine
stehende Rolltreppe wie eine Stiege zu benutzen. Bewegen Sie sich am besten so
fort, als hätten Sie sich gerade – Verzeihung – in die Hose geschissen.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Gute Fahrt!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">© Eiki</span></div>
Eikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02918463638960504966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7440039562233169114.post-20130979212797857512017-10-24T08:18:00.000+02:002017-10-24T08:18:40.391+02:00Meidlinger Stangln<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Am Schauplatz Wien Meidling, Kleingartensiedlung. Erich und
Herrmann möchten gemeinsam im Schrebergarten eine kleine Holzhütte errichten.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Erich</b>: „So, ois
näxtes kumt jetzt des Stangl durtn!“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Herrmann</b> (deutet in die
entgegengesetzte Richtung): „Bist da sicher, Erich? Des do drübm schaut ma eher
noch am Dachstangl aus!“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Erich</b>: „Na, wir nehman des do.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Herrmann</b>: „I glaub des is a
Bledsinn.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Erich</b>: „Herrmann… Nimm des Stangl
jetzan.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Beide steigen auf Leitern und heben die von Erich
auserkorene Stange in die Höh.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 191.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Erich</b>: „So… wie ghert des jetz?“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 191.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Herrmann</b>: „I glaub jo, des ghert
gorned do hi, owa bitte…“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 191.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Erich</b>: „Herst, du redst imma so
gscheid! Sog ma liaba, wie des Stangl jetzt ghert.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 191.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Herrmann</b>: „I bitt dich, Erich… nehma
bitte des ondere Stangl?“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 191.25pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Erich</b>: „Wieso wüst du wissen, doss
des des foische Stongl is?“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Herrmann</b>: „Wei do a 2er draufpickt
und wir jetzt owa de 1er-Stangln brauchen…“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Erich untersucht die Stange eingehend.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Herrmann</b>: „Host
as donn boid? Des Ding is nämlich schwaaa!“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Erich</b>: „Na de poor Sekunden wirst a
no aushoidn… So… Bledsinn! Des wird scho passen!“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Herrmann</b>: „Warum schaust ned, wos
auf dem ondern Stangl obn steht?“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Erich</b> (ruft ins Wohnhaus hinein): „GEH
HILDE!“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Hilde kommt heraus.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Hilde</b> (liebevoll): „Wos is?“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Erich</b>: „Konnst du des ane Stangl do
onschaun? Ob durtn a 1er drauf steht?“<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Hilde</b> (berechtigterweise, denn am
Boden liegen ca. 40 Stangln): „Wöches Stangl?“<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Erich</b> (hilfsbereit): „Des durt.“
(deutet gleich wie vorhin)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Nach 5min wurde das Stangl gefunden.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Hilde</b>: „So… wo steht
do jetzan a Nummer drauf?“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Erich</b>: „Do auf der Seiten.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Hilde</b>: „Und wos soi do draufsteh?“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Erich</b>: „2“ (zeitgleich) <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Herrmann</b>: „1“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Erich</b>: „Es gibt nur 2 und 1. Ans von
dem muass sei.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Hilde</b>: „I glaub i bau do jetzan
weiter auf, wei do steht nämlich a 4er.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">© Eiki</span></div>
Eikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02918463638960504966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7440039562233169114.post-4842988925518091092017-10-19T15:22:00.000+02:002017-10-19T15:22:01.579+02:00HOW TO - Ausgabe 2: Zigaretten-Rauchen<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Teil 2 der wichtigen Gebrauchsanleitungen für den Alltag. Heutige
Ausgabe: Erfolgreiches Rauchen!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>10 Regeln für erfolgreiches Rauchen</u></b></span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 1:</b> Die
wichtigste Regel vorweg: Rauchen Sie viel und ständig. Ignorieren Sie ewige Schlechtmacher
und widerliche Nichtrauchende. Die Pensionsversicherung wird es Ihnen auf Ihrem
Begräbnis danken.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 2:</b> Warnhinweise
auf Zigarettenpackungen sind allenfalls eine abstrakte Horrorstory. Nehmen Sie
sich nicht ernst. Bilder von Raucherkrankheiten ebenso wenig. Wen interessiert
es, ob Ihre Lunge schwarz ist?<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 3:</b> Lassen
Sie auch Ihre Kinder schon früh am Passivrauchen teilhaben! Man kann nicht früh
genug damit beginnen, gute Vorbilder zu haben.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 4:</b> Die
Straßenbahn kommt, Sie haben aber noch nicht ausgeraucht? Nehmen Sie den
tiefsten Zug ihres Lebens, so dass es Sie bis zu den Zehen mit Nikotin erfüllt
und schnipsen Sie Ihre Tschick elegant weg. Atmen Sie bitte erst nach Betreten
der Straßenbahn aus, damit alle etwas davon haben.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 5:</b> Rauchen
Sie vor allem in der kalten Jahreszeit so viel wie möglich, um regelmäßig mit
Bronchitis in den Krankenstand gehen zu können.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 6:</b> Rauchen
Sie bitte nicht nur im Raucherbereich, sondern überall. Zeigen Sie sich
verständnislos, wenn Sie vom Nachbartisch um das Ausdämpfen Ihrer Zigarette
gebeten werden. Sorgen Sie dafür, dass das Intervall zwischen 2 Zigaretten max.
5min beträgt.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 7:</b> Konzerte,
bei denen in der Veranstaltungshalle Rauchen verboten ist? Zünden Sie sich trotzdem
eine Tschick an und trinken Sie einige Biere um Ihre Erinnerung an Rauchverbote
auszulöschen.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 8:</b> Nützen
Sie Menschentrauben um unauffällig Brandlöcher in fremde Kleidungsstücke zu
brennen. Bedenken Sie bitte, dass bald die Christkindlmarkt-Zeit kommt, wo man
unter Einfluss alkoholischer Punschdämpfe auch herrliche Engelsmuster und
Schneeflocken erschaffen kann. Benutzen Sie dafür vor allem hochwertige
Wintermäntel, um Ihrer Kunst das entsprechende Publikum zu ermöglichen.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 9: </b>Belächeln
Sie Nichtrauchende so oft wie möglich. Am besten schließen Sie sie überhaupt
aus und geben wichtige Informationen nur in Rauchpausen im Hof weiter. Wer sich
schlecht integriert fühlt, muss selbst den ersten Schritt setzen und den
Glimmstängel ebenfalls ergreifen.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 10:</b> Zeigen
Sie offen, dass Sie geraucht haben und werfen Sie Ihren Tschick-Stummel bitte
nicht in den Mistkübel, sondern auf den Boden. Am besten dämpfen Sie Ihre
Zigarette auch nicht aus, sondern lassen sie weiterhin am Boden oder im
Zigarettenmüll brennen, so dass der Gehsteig zum schamanischen Rauchpfad wird.
Zeigen Sie sich amüsiert über irritierte Blicke.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Gutes Gelingen bei der Umsetzung!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">© Eiki</span></div>
Eikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02918463638960504966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7440039562233169114.post-41658597077819621622017-10-17T11:46:00.001+02:002017-10-17T11:46:37.852+02:00Weisheiten für schöne und schirche Leute<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Direkter Einstieg in eine ansprechende Unterhaltung bei der
U4 Stadtpark.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Bursch:</b> „Also ich
find den Sebastian schirch.“</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Mädel:</b> „Du bist so oberflächlich!“</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sebastian nähert sich.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Mädel:</b> „Sebastian,
er is ur gemein zu dir!“ (deutet auf Bursch)<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Bursch:</b> „Sebastian du bist schirch.“</div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Sebastian:</b> „Was is du Worma?“</div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Bursch:</b> „Na du bist schirch! Nix is
sonst!“</div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Sebastian:</b> „Sagst grad du. Schau
dich amal an.“<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Mädel</b> (lacht): „Ihr
seids beide schirch.“</div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Bursch:</b> „Dann bist du aba auch
schirch.“<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Sebastian</b>: „Gut. Simma alle drei
schirch.“</div>
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<br /></div>
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Nach dieser wichtigen Übereinkunft herrscht kurz Ruhe.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Sebastian</b> (bricht
das Schweigen): „Irgendwer findet uns sicher trotzdem schön.“</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Bursch</b>: „Schau, meine Oma hat immer
gsagt: Wenn du später einmal schön bist, bringt dir das viele Frauen, aber
wenig gute Frauen.“</div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Mädel:</b> „Blödsinn. Mein Onkel sagt
immer: Schirche Leute haben schöne Kinder.“</div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Bursch:</b> „Soll ma jetzt Kinder machen
oder was?“</div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Sebastian:</b> „Gusch! Ich hab noch was
Besseres. Meine Mama sagt: Du musst nicht schön sein zum was erreichen. Aber es
hilft.“</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
© Eiki</div>
Eikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02918463638960504966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7440039562233169114.post-85313191659849600352017-10-12T11:49:00.000+02:002017-10-12T11:49:34.889+02:00HOW TO - Ausgabe 1: U-Bahn-Fahren<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Herzlich Willkommen zu dieser neuen Serie von Unfasslich. „How
to“ beschäftigt sich mit Gebrauchsanleitungen für alltägliche Dinge. Heutige
Ausgabe: U-Bahn-Fahren!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u><b>10 Regeln für erfolgreiches U-Bahn-Fahren </b></u></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 1:</b> U-Bahn-Fahren
ist langweilig, das wissen wir alle. Deshalb bitten wir Sie, jegliches
Telefonat in die U-Bahn zu verlegen, um anderen Menschen die Zeit zu
vertreiben. Bitte sprechen Sie laut und deutlich, damit Sie alle verstehen
können.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 2:</b> Sie
haben Körperflüssigkeiten? Behalten Sie das keinesfalls für sich! Erfreuen Sie
doch stattdessen Ihre Mitmenschen direkt in der U-Bahn an Ihrem Rotz, Schlatz oder
weiter unten angesiedelten Flüssigkeiten. Hier gilt: mehr ist definitiv nicht
weniger und Handvorhalten war gestern.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 3:</b> Geruchsintensive
Getränke und Speisen sollen verboten sein? Geh bitte… Dabei haben doch wirklich
alle etwas davon, wenn Sie bereits um 6h10 ihr 500ml Redbull runterstürzen (inkl.
Rülpser danach) oder nach der Arbeit ein Dürüm in der U1 einwerfen!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 4:</b> Die
U-Bahn ist zu spät? So geht’s nicht! Lassen Sie es uns wissen, dass Sie über
die Zustände verärgert sind. Denn wie uns allen klar ist, kommt durchs Aufregen
die U-Bahn deutlich schneller!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 5:</b> Deo? Na,
Oida? Sowas von 20. Jahrhundert! Warum nicht auch olfaktorisch ganz klar das
Revier markieren? Sollten Sie unsicher sein, ob ihr Achselgeruch reicht,
waschen Sie sich zur Sicherheit mehrtägig nicht und essen Sie Bohnen. So
schnell können Sie gar nicht schauen, wie Sie endlich das Ihnen zustehende eigene
4er-Abteil bekommen.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 6:</b> Reden
Sie andere Leute an! Menschen mögen das!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 7:</b> Wenn Sie
gerne Musik hören, ist die U-Bahn der ideale Ort, um Ihrer Leidenschaft
nachzugehen. Und verwenden Sie ja keine Kopfhörer, Sie egoistische Person! </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 8:</b> Bitte
lassen Sie niemanden aussteigen, bevor Sie einsteigen. Drängen Sie sich einfach
durch. Falls Ihnen das schwer fällt, stellen Sie sich zur Eingewöhnung einfach
mal direkt in die Mitte der Türen, um aussteigenden Personen das Vorbeikommen
zu erschweren. Steigern Sie Ihr Verhalten langsam aber stetig.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 9:</b> Ihre
Tasche verdient einen Sitzplatz, so viel steht fest. Egal, wie viele Leute sich
sonst hinsetzen wollen. First come, first serve. Keine Tasche dabei? Bitte spreizen
Sie zumindest die Beine soweit wie möglich, um der benachbarten Person das
normale Sitzen nonverbal zu untersagen.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Regel 10:</b> Sollten
Sie keinen Sitzplatz mehr bekommen, stehen Sie bitte direkt im Eingang und
halten Sie die ganze Partie auf. Ignorieren Sie Lautsprecherdurchsagen, die Sie
zum Verlassen des Lichtschrankens auffordern. Schließlich wissen nur Sie selbst
am besten, was gut ist.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Wir danken für Ihr Verständnis!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">© Eiki</span></div>
Eikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02918463638960504966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7440039562233169114.post-75499464934654004102017-10-10T17:00:00.000+02:002017-10-10T17:00:00.689+02:00Öffi-Unterhaltungen 14<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Mi, 4. Oktober 2017 –
16h04</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Für alle Liebhaberinnen und Liebhaber der U6 mit allen ihren
Gestalten, hier ein weiteres Schmankerl. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Ein Opa sitzt mit Enkel in der Ubahn und tippt am Handy
herum. Plötzlich öffnet sich ein Video mit einem tanzenden Mann in Badehose.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Opa:</b> „Aha. Wos is
des bitte?“ (richtet sich Brille und hält Handy weit weg) „Aha. Des is a
Nockerter, der um an Pool tanzt.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Umliegende Menschen zeigen sich amüsiert.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Opa:</b> „Gfoit ma.
Sog i ehrlich. Oba warum is des bitte auf meinem Handy?“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Enkel</b> (ca. 10 Jahre alt): „Opa, du
musst einen Adblocker installieren.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Opa:</b> „An wos?“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Enkel:</b> „Einen Adblocker!“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Opa:</b> „Na i glaub ned. Wos is des?“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Enkel:</b> „Dann kommen keine solchen
Videos von allein!“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Opa:</b> „I installier do übahaupt nix.
Oba des wor a no nie, doss so a Video kumt.“ (hält dem Enkel das Handy hin) „Schau
du amoi!“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Enkel nimmt Handy und tippt herum.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Enkel:</b> „He, du
hast Whatsapp!“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Opa:</b> „Wos hob i?“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Enkel:</b> „Whatsapp!“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Opa:</b> „Aha. Und des is ned guad, oda
wos? Deswegen kumman so nockerte Videos?“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Enkel:</b> „Vielleicht hat dir das wer
dort gschickt?“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Opa:</b> „Na i schick gor nix!“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Enkel:</b> „Nicht du! Vielleicht hat’s wer
anderer dir gschickt? Ich schau mal.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Enkel bearbeitet das Handy.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Opa:</b> „Und, von
wem is des Video?“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Enkel:</b> „Von der Oma.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">© Eiki<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
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<![endif]--><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">Eiki geht an
der Engerthstraße entlang. Es kommen ihr mutmaßlich Vater (50) und Sohn (25)
entgegen, beide mit je einem vollgefüllten Einkaufstrolley bewaffnet, in denen
gefühlte hundert leere Glasflaschen klirren.</span><br />
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">Vater</span></b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";"> (schreit schon aus der Entfernung): „UND
WOS SOLL I DO JETZ MOCHEN?“<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Sohn</b> (der Apfel fällt nicht weit vom
Stamm): „SOG DU LIABA MIR, WOS I MOCHEN SOI!“<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Vater</b> (beruhigt sich kurzfristig): „I
würd ihr sogen, doss sa se schleichen soi. I würd ma des ned antuan… Bitte wos
wüst mit der?“</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">Sohn bleibt
stehen und umfährt ein Hundstrümmerl. Der Trolley kippt dabei mit lautem
Klirren fast um.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">Vater</span></b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">: „AUFPASSEN HEEEEE!“<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Sohn</b>: „Da war Hundescheiße, Oida!“<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Vater</b>: „SOG NED OIDA ZU MIR!“<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Sohn</b>: „LOSS MI IN RUAH!“<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Vater</b>: „BUA, BERUHIG DI!“</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">Beide gehen
überraschend gefasst weiter. Kurz bevor sie Eiki passieren, bricht es aus dem
Sohn heraus.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">Sohn</span></b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">: „ICH HASS ALLE WEIBER! Das sind so schirche F….“<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Eiki </b>(lässt das nicht unkommentiert):
„Vielen Dank!“<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Sohn </b>(zu Eiki): „Ned du, Oida! Misch
di ned ein!“<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Vater</b> (zum Sohn): „LOSST DU BITTE DE
DAME IN RUAH?!“</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">Eiki geht
weiter.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">Vater</span></b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">: „Mi wundert’s ned, doss du ka Frau
findst… So wie du redst.“<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Sohn</b>: „Du bist 2x gschieden.“<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Vater</b>: „Na und? I sog wenigstens
ned, doss i olle Weiber hoss… I hoss nur zwa.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">© Eiki</span></div>
Eikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02918463638960504966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7440039562233169114.post-83533239818081608232017-10-03T17:00:00.000+02:002017-10-03T20:59:03.451+02:00Wo san de Laugenstangerln?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Samstag Morgen beim Lidl. Bereits beim Betreten des
Supermarktes ertönt es aus der Ferne. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Männliche Stimme</b>: „Wo san de
Laugenstangerln?“</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Eiki nähert sich mit dem Unfasslich-Notizbuch natürlich
sofort dem Backbereich.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Mann</span></b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> (Mitte 50,
grüne Latzhose, Flanellhemd) steht mit einem leeren Brotsackerl bei der Selbstbedienungstheke:
„Wo san bitte de Laugenstangerl? Kennts es mir des erklärn?“</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Er läuft bei der Theke auf und ab.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Mann:</span></b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> „Is des a
Vaorschung oda wos? Bin i do bei da vasteckten Kamera?“ Er wird immer
ungeduldiger und schreit schließlich: „HERST LIDL! DU HURE!“ </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Marktmitarbeiter</span></b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> eilt
herbei: „Kann ich Ihnen helfen?“</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Mann</span></b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">: „Wo san
bitte de Laugenstangerl? Des is a Frechheit! Do kennt si ka Sau aus bei eich.“</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Marktmitarbeite</span></b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">r (schaut
die Theke durch): „Da wären normalerweise die Laugenstangerl. Aber die sind
noch im Backofen und werden in 5min fertig. Wollen Sie warten? Dann hätten Sie
ganz frische Laugenstangerln.“</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Mann</span></b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">: „I wort
auf niemand mehr. Es kennts ma den Buckel owerutschn.“<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Marktmitarbeiter</b> (gibt alles): „Laugenbrezel
hätt ma schon, wenn Sie die derweil wollen!?“<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Mann</b>: „I wü ka Brezl, i wü a
Laugenstangerl. Leckt’s mi olle am Orsch.“ </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Mann stapft wütend Richtung Milchprodukte. Angekommen vorm
Regal hört man ihn erneut: „Wo is bitte des Heidlbeerjoghurt? Hobt’s es ka
Heidelbeerjoghurt?“</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Marktmitarbeiterin</span></b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> (deutet
auf das Heidlbeerjoghurt): „Oja. Hier ist es.“</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Mann schnappt wütend 2 Becher und geht Richtung Kassa. Auf
halbem Weg fliegt ihm einer runter und platzt auf.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Mann</span></b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">: „IHR
HURENKINDER!“</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Kassamitarbeiterin ruft den Reinigungsdienst.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Mann</span></b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> (fasst die
Situation gut zusammen): „OIDA? Zerst gibt’s kane Laugenstangerl und jetz
fliagt ma des Joghurt owe. Des is da gschissanste Supermorkt in dem i je wor.
Do kum i nie mehr her.“</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Baba und foi ned!</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">© Eiki</span></span></div>
Eikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02918463638960504966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7440039562233169114.post-44629075706667659942017-09-27T08:12:00.000+02:002017-09-27T13:09:08.894+02:00Öffi-Unterhaltungen 13<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Di, 5. September 2017
– 6h35 </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Dankenswerterweise darf man sich in der U6 auch schon
frühmorgens an wichtigen Infos erfreuen.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Älterer Herr</b> will
bei Längenfeldgasse in die gerade einfahrende U6 einsteigen. Zug bleibt stehen.
Er schlägt mit der Faust gegen die Tür: „Aufmooochen! HERST! MOCH DE TÜR AUF!“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Tür geht auf (ob wegen der Faustschläge oder einfach weil es
üblich ist, blieb ungeklärt).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Älterer Herr</b>
(deutet auf einen Platz, wo eine junge Frau sitzt): „I wü do sitzen.“<br />
Junge Frau: „Aber hier ist doch alles frei.“<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>(alles rundherum ist frei)</span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Älterer Herr</b>: „Bin i da ned schön
genug?“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
Junge Frau dreht sich weg.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Älterer Herr</b>: „I bin ned schee. Des
was i eh. Oba ans sog i eich: Es lebe die Unsterblichkeit!“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Bei der Station Westbahnhof entdeckt der Herr ein
Werbeschild mit einer Seegrotte.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Älterer Herr</b>
(dreht sich zu Eiki): „Durt’n san letztens a poor Piffge dasoffen.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
Eiki versucht so uninteressiert wie möglich zu schauen.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Älterer Herr</b>: „JO ! Wirkli wohr, du
glaubst mas ned, oba de Piffge san gekentert! Des gonze Schiffanakel hot’s
umghaut und – des muasst da vorstelln: de Trotteln kennan jo ned schwimman!
Aber…“ (kurze dramatische Pause für einen dezenten Rülpser) „Deitsche kennan
sowieso nie schwimman, weil’s sunst nie miassn. In Deitschlond gibt’s jo nix
zum Schwimman. Oba i find’s ehrlich gsogt eh ned schod um die. A poor Piffge
weniger. Soi nix Schlimmas passieren.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Mehrere Personen blicken verstört von ihrer Heute-Zeitung
auf. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Älterer Herr</b>:
„Des Anzige, wos mi stört an der gonzen Gschicht, doss de Deitschen dasoffen
san, is, doss uns Östarreichan de Schuid gebn. I mein, wos konn i dafir, doss
de Orschlecha ned schwimman kennan? Blad fressen. Des kennan’s, oba wonn‘s donn
des Schiffanakel umhaut, donn gengan’s unter wie a Felsen.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Bei Dresdner Straße muss der Herr aussteigen. Aber gewiss
nicht ohne sich noch gebührend zu verabschieden.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">„I sog eich ans. I bin ned schee. Oba solang i scheena bin
ois wir a Piffge, is ma ois wurscht. Schenan Tog.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">© Eiki</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
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<![endif]-->Eikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02918463638960504966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7440039562233169114.post-67876558410566484722017-09-21T08:00:00.000+02:002017-09-27T15:16:13.690+02:00I am the Search<div class="bodytext">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Serge (ca. 45, Halbglatze, Träger einer Gratisbrille
Marke „Bundesheer 1990“, schwarzes Shirt mit „ollas muass ma selber
mochn lossn“ Aufschrift) setzt sich in der U6 auf einen freien Sitzplatz
und nützt selbstverständlich gerne die Gelegenheit, mit der
Sitznachbarin gegenüber ein Gespräch zu beginnen. </span></div>
<div class="bodytext">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span>
<div class="bodytext">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Serge:</b> „Waßt du wia ma a Bier öffnet? I erklär da des …“ <br /><b>Junge Dame (J.D.):</b> „Pardon?“ <br /><b>Serge:</b> „Drei Schritte zum Bieröffnen. Du wissen?“ <br /><b>J.D.</b> (mit starkem französischem Akzent): „I don’täää speakäää schörman.“ <br /><b>Serge</b> (sofort in seinem Element): „Where you coming?“ <br /><b>J.D. </b>(merklich unsicher, ob sie dieses Gespräch jetzt wirklich will): „France.“ <br /><b>Serge </b>(in
die U6 Runde, damit auch alle anderen etwas davon haben): „A Französin,
na bitte, schauts eich des on!“ (zur Französin) „So, you von France
(sprich „Frääänz“) … Ha de Orschlecha!“ <br /><b>J.D.:</b> „Excuusee me. I don’täää önderständ.“ <br /><b>Serge:</b> „I bin da Serge (sprich: Särsch). I am the Search.“ <br /><b>J.D</b>. schaut beim Fenster raus. <br /><b>Serge </b>(gibt noch nicht auf): „Enchanté!“ (Anm. Eiki ist kurz beeindruckt, dass er dieses Wort kennt). „I am sitting. You know?“ <br /><b>J.D.:</b> „Pardon?“ </span></div>
<div class="bodytext">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /><b>Serge:</b>
„Sorry, des wor a Bledsinn.“ (schaut beim Fenster raus und erkennt,
dass er demnächst aussteigen muss) „Also. Bonjour, Mademoiselle. Tschau
mit au, tschüß mit ü. Moch’s guad schen Frau. Hasta la vista Baby. I bin
dahin!“ (dreht sich im Gehen zur Tür nochmal um) „See you later
Terminator sog i imma. Geile Sau der Schworzenegger. Des muass ma erm
lossen.“ </span></div>
<div class="bodytext">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">© Eiki</span></div>
Eikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02918463638960504966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7440039562233169114.post-45837736556111913812016-09-13T12:20:00.002+02:002017-09-27T13:40:23.361+02:00Oral Caps Lock<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />(c) Eiki</span></span>Eikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02918463638960504966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7440039562233169114.post-32053472272062791972016-03-16T09:36:00.003+01:002016-03-16T09:36:42.345+01:002min Dehnen<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of figures"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope return"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="line number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="page number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="DE-AT" style="mso-ansi-language: DE-AT; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: DE-AT;">Nicht nur nach dem Sport
sondern auch in der Schule sollte man häufiger „dehnen“. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="DE-AT" style="mso-ansi-language: DE-AT; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: DE-AT;">Eiki wartet bei der
Straßenbahnstation neben einem Blumengeschäft. Besitzer und Lehrling stehen
draußen und kümmern sich um die Blumen.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span lang="DE-AT" style="mso-ansi-language: DE-AT; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: DE-AT;">Chef:</span></b><span lang="DE-AT" style="mso-ansi-language: DE-AT; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: DE-AT;"> „Wo hast du jetzt die Lilien hingegeben?“<br />
<b>Lehrling:</b> „Dort zu die Zimmerpflanzen innen.“<br />
<b>Chef:</b> „DEN Zimmerpflanzen.“<br />
<b>Lehrling:</b> „Ja. Denen.“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="DE-AT" style="mso-ansi-language: DE-AT; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: DE-AT;">Chef schüttelt den Kopf.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span lang="DE-AT" style="mso-ansi-language: DE-AT; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: DE-AT;">Lehrling:</span></b><span lang="DE-AT" style="mso-ansi-language: DE-AT; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: DE-AT;"> „Du Chef, da bei die da...“(deutet auf
Rosenstöcke) „…hab ich jetzt nicht gossen.“<br />
<b>Chef:</b> „bei DENEN.“<br />
<b>Lehrling:</b> „Hä?“<br />
<b>Chef:</b> „Wuascht…“</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="DE-AT" style="mso-ansi-language: DE-AT; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: DE-AT;">Beide arbeiten weiter.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span lang="DE-AT" style="mso-ansi-language: DE-AT; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: DE-AT;">Lehrling:</span></b><span lang="DE-AT" style="mso-ansi-language: DE-AT; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: DE-AT;"> „Du Chef, was mach ma jetzt mit die Sträuße?“<br />
<b>Chef:</b> „DEN Sträußen.“<br />
<b>Lehrling:</b> „Ja, was mach ma mit die?“<br />
<b>Chef:</b> „DENEN!“<br />
<b>Lehrling:</b> „Dehnen? Warum dehnen?“</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="DE-AT" style="mso-ansi-language: DE-AT; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: DE-AT;">Unfasslich.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="DE-AT" style="mso-ansi-language: DE-AT; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: DE-AT;">© Eiki</span></div>
Eikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02918463638960504966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7440039562233169114.post-72545304400721773402016-03-08T15:23:00.002+01:002016-03-08T15:23:56.059+01:00Oha. Ah. Eh.Wenige Silben, viele Unterschiede!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJPE4wq6Gx83FfbHrXDduShs4NPZvK_eM0Ob5WYd6rnPak0KSmtjdwOMCr86rDuCUOJDI4IhHTCkcgodG7ynrOZldY9a-O5SDpA4Migx13XQm4f3MYmC72J6RNeg6jWGc6g_6nRFuqtdZv/s1600/Oha+Ah+Eh.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJPE4wq6Gx83FfbHrXDduShs4NPZvK_eM0Ob5WYd6rnPak0KSmtjdwOMCr86rDuCUOJDI4IhHTCkcgodG7ynrOZldY9a-O5SDpA4Migx13XQm4f3MYmC72J6RNeg6jWGc6g_6nRFuqtdZv/s1600/Oha+Ah+Eh.PNG" /></a></div>
<br />
© EikiEikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02918463638960504966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7440039562233169114.post-40558943195315371292016-03-02T10:50:00.000+01:002016-03-02T10:50:09.122+01:00Oida.<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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© Eiki</div>
Eikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02918463638960504966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7440039562233169114.post-12815826852343850792016-02-17T11:53:00.000+01:002016-03-02T10:36:13.829+01:00Na no na ned!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Eine mitgehörte Unterhaltung in der Straßenbahnlinie 10 hat
Eiki wieder einmal in Bewusstsein gerufen, auf wie viele unterschiedliche Arten
sich Wiener „Jo“ und „Na“ sagen können.</div>
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Hier eine kleine Übersicht einiger Möglichkeiten:</div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCOUWgwxpKB7eztArulmCgHSYTzi5G0UrHoXTUA37hCaxCcs5dgU8v_nA75SHUDFIBGy6pJF5HXaTF2b-hHDAyWKnNsvVMLqf9vBLLEuYzUjeKmJSXVKFahR77iSpOjfKWMBdpFN7B813e/s1600/Na+no+na+ned%2521+Hochdeutsch.PNG" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCOUWgwxpKB7eztArulmCgHSYTzi5G0UrHoXTUA37hCaxCcs5dgU8v_nA75SHUDFIBGy6pJF5HXaTF2b-hHDAyWKnNsvVMLqf9vBLLEuYzUjeKmJSXVKFahR77iSpOjfKWMBdpFN7B813e/s1600/Na+no+na+ned%2521+Hochdeutsch.PNG" /></a></div>
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© Eiki</div>
<br />Eikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02918463638960504966noreply@blogger.com